Have You Seen Her Movie?

Your boss, a peer, or a direct report at work.  A client or a customer.  Your mom or dad, or a friend.  Or maybe it's that 300 pound person who just ordered a triple-cheeseburger.

Do you find yourself saying, "Why did they do that?"  "Why did they have to say it that way?"  You'd do it differently, wouldn't you?  You'd say it in a nicer way, wouldn't you?  And your way is probably better, isn't it?

About a year ago I read a remark-able book,  The Fifth Agreement.  Authors don Miguel and don Jose Ruiz present an interesting perspective, and through my lens, it looks like this...

Imagine you walk into a dark movie theater.  You notice someone sitting alone, near the front.  You walk down and sit just behind her and to the side.  As your eyes adjust to the dim lighting you realize that it's your mom, or that client, or your boss.

And then the curtains open and a movie starts to play.  It's her life story.  You see her birth.  Who was there?  Who wasn't?  You see her play and argue with friends.  You see her bullied or maybe she bullied someone else.  You see her as she experiences her first early teen crush.  You see her as she experiences joy, sadness, envy, love, and so many other emotions.  And you watch as she witnesses the same emotions in others.  And since she's nearby, you also get to see her re-living those experiences.  You see see her laugh and cry as her movie plays right in front of her, and you.

And then your face appears on the screen.  You look a bit different than you thought you did.  And then it hits you.  She sees you differently than you see yourself.

In your life, in your work, in your relationships -- there are decisions to be made, risks to take, work to be done.  And when someone doesn't do it the way you'd do it, it might help to realize that you haven't seen their move -- and they haven't seen yours'.

When we judge others we are doing it through our own lens -- through our worldview.  It can be helpful to realize that other perspectives are in play and that they're just as valid as our own.

Do the Work.  Be passionate and determined.  And find that place within yourself where empathy resides.  It will take some weight off your shoulders and make the whole process more enjoyable -- for everyone.
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